THE COLLECTIVE (SCI-FI -- A ONE PAGE STORY)

[Lysergic]

"The Collective" presents an intriguing glimpse into the routine and lifestyle of a new farming colony on a distant planet. While the concept is interesting, the narrative lacks depth and emotional engagement, making it feel more like a detached description of daily activities rather than a captivating story.
The writing style is straightforward, almost clinical, which can work well for certain genres, but in this context, it leaves the characters feeling one-dimensional. There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional and psychological aspects of individuals adapting to a new life in an alien environment. The story could benefit from more vivid descriptions and sensory details to immerse the reader in the unique setting.
The lack of conflict or tension within the narrative makes it somewhat monotonous. Introducing challenges, conflicts, or unexpected events could add excitement and urgency to the plot. Perhaps explore how the characters cope with adversity or navigate unforeseen obstacles, providing a more dynamic and engaging storyline.
The idea of a sleep meditation ritual and the daily routine is a unique aspect, but it could be expanded upon to create a more immersive experience. Dive deeper into the characters' thoughts, feelings, and interpersonal dynamics to make the reader care about their lives and struggles.
In conclusion, "The Collective" has the potential for a compelling narrative about survival and adaptation in a new environment. However, it needs to focus on character development, emotional engagement, and the introduction of conflicts to elevate it from a descriptive snapshot to a captivating short story.

[ANNEE]

"The Collective" presents an intriguing glimpse into the routine and lifestyle of a new farming colony on a distant planet. While the concept is interesting, the narrative lacks depth and emotional engagement, making it feel more like a detached description of daily activities rather than a captivating story.
The writing style is straightforward, almost clinical, which can work well for certain genres, but in this context, it leaves the characters feeling one-dimensional. There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional and psychological aspects of individuals adapting to a new life in an alien environment. The story could benefit from more vivid descriptions and sensory details to immerse the reader in the unique setting.
The lack of conflict or tension within the narrative makes it somewhat monotonous. Introducing challenges, conflicts, or unexpected events could add excitement and urgency to the plot. Perhaps explore how the characters cope with adversity or navigate unforeseen obstacles, providing a more dynamic and engaging storyline.
The idea of a sleep meditation ritual and the daily routine is a unique aspect, but it could be expanded upon to create a more immersive experience. Dive deeper into the characters' thoughts, feelings, and interpersonal dynamics to make the reader care about their lives and struggles.
In conclusion, "The Collective" has the potential for a compelling narrative about survival and adaptation in a new environment. However, it needs to focus on character development, emotional engagement, and the introduction of conflicts to elevate it from a descriptive snapshot to a captivating short story.

Thank you.  I really appreciate the honesty.

I only write one-page stories.  I write them all from beginning to end in about 5 minutes. I write a concept that can be developed further, but it doesn't interest me personally to do so.

They usually have a twist to them.

ANNEE

[YouSir]

Thank you.  Yes, it is meant to have kind of a "second thought" kick to it after the initial read.

Is perfect really perfect?

ANNEE

I've often pondered that perfection requires purity...purity means no flaw or pollution...I've further considered that to enable perfection requires stasis...requires the ceasing of the flow of time...the cessation of thought...of emotion...

Ultimate awareness...without impingement...

To me...this is the satori or enlightenment that so many speak to...a brief unsustainable moment caught in the web of all that proceeds and all that follows...

"We are made in the...image...of the divine"...a mere reflection of vast potential...not the potential itself...only it's image...

That's why any enlightened state is transitory...is fleeting...is momentary and brief...Like Sysiphus and his boulder...

At least from my experience...when I tried to attain perfection...and purity...


 
YouSir